How Can You Be More Present – For Yourself?

It’s Fall! The season is upon us all. You might love it with all of it’s Pumpkin Spice Lattes and sweaters, or you may be missing iced drinks, garden flowers and Birkenstocks. If you have kids, your calendar may be filling with extracurricular activities. It’s exciting to anticipate watching them grow in athletic, artistic, social and creative ways, isn’t it?! You might also notice a pull to grab the slow cooker and start making soups and stews again. It happens slowly, but suddenly you’re thinking of all that’s to come and you’re not present. (You might notice a little anxiety creep in.)

How can you be more present – for yourself?

This is something many people struggle to navigate. It’s especially important as your attention, energy, emotion and time can be pulled in many directions! Others need you – including work, kids, your spouse or partner, extended family, friends, volunteering and the list continues. You notice the calendar is filling up with many events and it suddenly feels overwhelming. This might seem confusing, because much of what’s filling it is good stuff!

When you start to focus on the future too much, you might begin to feel a shift in agency. Meaning, you might begin feeling like your commitments are dictating your days. You have less of a sense of choice – and that’s where anxiety steps in.

Your anxiety isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I think anxiety gets a bad reputation. (That said, it can be verrrry uncomfortable.) At the heart of it, anxiety is simply trying to communicate with you. Can we slow down together for a moment to be curious about what it might be trying to communicate? This might feel odd but it can be so enlightening and grounding.

Anxiety isn’t always bad in that at the heart of it, it is trying to communicate a couple of things.

Can you be curious about this (communicating)?

Is your anxiety trying to communicate a risk that feels too big?

Perhaps you’re noticing that it’s keeping you alert…this is important!

Another way anxiety is helpful is that it is a motivator.

Anxiety is unhelpful when it begins to interfere in your life. You notice you begin to make adjustments that interfere with daily living, or to avoid whatever it is that’s causing those uncomfortable anxious feelings. For example, you might begin to decline social commitments if you’re feeling overwhelmed by how full the calendar is. It’s possible you lose sleep because you are so worried that your child won’t make it to their activities on time because of the fullness of the after-school schedule.

Anxiety isn’t always bad but it is always trying to communicate.

As you begin to notice that it’s having some adverse effects on your life (like losing sleep, snapping, or getting caught up in your thoughts), you might consider practicing presence. Anxiety typically lives in the past and the future…not the present. Can you read that again, really slowly and see how you respond internally?

Anxiety lives in the past and in the future. Not the present.

You can begin to practice presence, by welcoming in some deep breaths. I mean the type of breathing many of us forget to do – or didn’t know we could. This deep breathing helps to support your parasympathetic nervous system – the part that is calming. Deep breathing in this way, happens when you can notice your stomach push out as you breathe. This means your breath is going into your diaphragm.

Typically, you breath in your chest. This is great practice when you’re active or working out, However, when you’re feeling dysregulated or overwhelmed, breathing into your chest activates the sympathetic nervous system – the fight/flight/freeze/fawn (active freeze) part. This is more dysregulating!

When you’re slowing down, taking those deep breaths, I invite you to notice. Notice what it’s like to feel that air brought in. What does it feel like to take it deep into your body – and expand your diaphragm? Can you notice a bit of pressure? Is it stretching that part of your body? Can you notice how different it feels to breathe this way?

Now, just notice how it feels to exhale and release all that air. If you can, try and exhale even further to fully release the air. Wow – that can feel mildly uncomfortable…notice that. As you repeat this for 3 -5 minutes (which is a long time when you’re focusing on breathing), just notice what happens to your thoughts or heart rate. You might notice them slow down. It’s possible you could notice other parts of your body as well.

I invite you into the practice of just noticing.

This seemingly simple practice, is quite intentional and mindful. It’s a straightforward way to slow yourself down, regulate your nervous system and begin to feel more present. Often, this is a part of how I like to work with clients – it feels so rewarding, it’s safe, and it works! If you’ve noticed you feel overwhelmed, anxious, difficulty remaining present or other mental/emotional struggles, please reach out! I’d love to connect.