You’re Exhausted…But You Don’t Like Time Alone.

Have you ever noticed that you don’t like being alone? The thought being alone or complete quiet time is overwhelming and you’ll do anything you can to avoid it. You’re exhausted. Perhaps you need to slow down, but you don’t like time alone. If you are alone, it might be quiet and then your mind or emotions might grow louder. Possibly, that makes you a bit uncomfortable.

Maybe you find you fill your space and time with work, friend, your kids…and when they’re all busy, you still find places or spaces to be, so you don’t have to be alone. This might mean a place like Costco, or it could just mean plugging in the vacuum so you can feel like you’re doing something. It’s like you’re avoiding any thoughts or emotions that might be felt in the quiet. Do you notice you always feel a need for background noise like a podcast or audiobook? (These aren’t bad things, necessarily! However, if they’re supporting your need to avoid silence you might want to be curious about this.) Even though you know you’re exhausted, you don’t like time alone.

Perhaps there’s a relationship, an experience or a trauma you’re worried will consume you, if you make space for quiet.

This is so tough because often, while you resist it, quiet is the space you need to be in, so you can heal. Healing is slow and sometimes uncomfortable. If you think about a wound (like a deep cut, for example), it takes time but it also needs care and attention. It need not be touched or rubbed – that will irritate it and it will either heal slower or it may even get infected.

A mental and emotional wound is similar to a physical one.

In my area of practice, slowing down and being curious about your emotions (both how you are feeling and where you might notice that emotion in your body) is a part of our work together. In this space, we can be curious together and notice together, how your past is affecting your present. I might notice some of your experiences as affecting you in ways you have minimized, or felt weren’t okay to feel. In a non-judgemental way, I can support you through these often heavy and overwhelming experiences. This can help you heal from past traumas, anxiety, overwhelm self-confidence/worth and relationship struggles.

Just like a physical wound, your mental and emotional wounds do need care. Understanding them (through curiosity and even some compassion) can help to heal them as well. Understanding can look like validation and empathy. It might come from feeling seen. It could be that you’ve shared some of what you’re struggling with in the past. Perhaps you’ve opened up to a trusted friend or family member and while their intentions were good, they did not respond or care for you in a way you needed.

It’s possible they didn’t fully understand how you were (and are!) experiencing this hurt. It’s also possible that their bias is keeping them from being able to support you in ways that you need. They mean well and they could be a wonderful person, but there are times that an unbiased other (like a counsellor) is needed. Here, you can create space to breathe. It might be helpful to notice that you can begin to create those feelings of safety as you heal, in the presence of a trusted other.

As you begin to explore some of your hurt and struggles in counselling, you might likely start feeling more okay to spend moments of quiet here and there. You might start to notice driving without any music playing is okay. Perhaps you’ll reflect and note that you lay in bed for an extra few moments as you looked out the window on your day off. If you reflect, you might even notice that felt okay as well. Your body was calm and you experienced some peace.

Often times, small moments are like building blocks. You can start to stack one on top of the other. It does take time, patience and compassion. You might enjoy these short moments…these glimmers…and begin to feel yourself gently and slowly stepping out of exhaustion. Notice that! Perhaps you can take a deep breath in, as you notice sparks of peace or calm. It is a beautiful part of healing.

Specifically, I like to suggest the practice of intentional, mindful breath-work to clients. This can sound silly or easy to some, but it is harder than you might think. I encourage clients to try and practice it outside. There’s just something so invaluable about fresh air, sun (if it’s out!) and the coolness as you inhale. The sound of birds chirping, leaves blowing, rain falling or any other nature noise is very therapeutic. It calms your nervous system.

As you begin to take in your first deep breath, slowly notice how it feels as you take it in.

Make sure to breath right into your diaphragm. You’ll notice your stomach push out, when the air fills that space. When you breathe up in your chest and lungs area, you’re not giving your nervous system a chance to really begin to regulate. This is a hard practice in and of itself, so it will take some time, patience and intentionality. I encourage you to be kind to yourself as you learn. Take another deep breath again, making sure that air is travelling right down into your diaphragm. Notice how it feels to slow down, focusing only on the air entering your body. Can you drop your shoulders, too? Beginning to cultivate some quiet and enter into this practice is healing. There are many ways to learn mindful breathing…I invite you to choose the one you feel most resonates with you.

The exhaustion you feel can begin to lift as you push into the discomfort of being in a quiet space alone.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out and connect. Let’s work together, at your pace. Your wellness is deeply important for you. Healing