Is Counselling Helpful When Life Seems to be Going Smoothly?

Typically, or maybe more historically, counselling has been looked at as this space to process hard things. You heard that a friend booked an appointment with their counsellor because they have childhood issues. Perhaps they were raised by emotionally immature parents. Or, they have shared about some pretty big moments with their anxiety struggles recently. You wonder whether counselling would be helpful right now, when life seems to be going smoothly for you.

It’s possible you and your partner have talked about counselling in the past…but only when you’ve been arguing more. Or, you might have considered it for yourself during those times. However, when everything is going well, counselling isn’t something that pops to mind as helpful. You might wonder whether it’s the best use of your time, if you don’t have anything major, or catastrophic happening right now.

Part of you might think you should hold off booking a counselling appointment until things are really hard.

These thoughts make sense! Of course seeking support when you’re struggling seems like the best idea. You want to work through, process and ease the discomfort. This could be both internal turmoil, old (or new) wounds and hurts as well as relationship struggles. It might even seem frivolous to meet with a counsellor, when life is going relatively well.

I’m wondering if I can invite you into a shift in thinking?

As a person who likes a good image or metaphor, I sometimes consider the human self (energy, emotion, capacity and all those important things) similar to a computer or phone battery. When my phone battery is fully charged when I wake up in the morning, I notice a sense of relief internally. I really feel that relief when I compare it to the mornings I have forgotten to plug my phone in overnight. When I start the day with a battery at 30%, I worry. I notice each time I answer a text, open an app, or make a call, as I wonder how much of the battery I have drained. The days I start my workday with a partly charged computer battery (and have left my charger at home), I get anxious.

My personal – well, professional – perspective is that counselling is for anyone, at any time in life. Struggles typically motivate individuals to reach out, but I invite you to consider reaching out before life gets too hard to navigate alone. There’s so much good that comes from connecting with a counsellor you can feel safe to talk with about anything.

I have at times, noticed at the end of lighter sessions, clients have reflected that they wonder whether they should have kept their appointment. My response is yes! When you are feeling like your best (or very healthy) self, it is important to spend time noticing what that is like.

What is it like for you to notice you have navigated the recent months, in a regulated space? Can you notice how your body has been able to respond from a calmer and more peaceful perspective? It might seem silly to slow down and notice this but here’s an interesting thing about the human mind…

…the human mind is negatively biased.

Research shows that approximately 70% of your thoughts are negative. Yikes!! That’s a lot of negative thoughts. And so, it’s easy to be drawn into old (negative) thought patterns. Or, in seasons of struggle you might notice your mind spins on the same (unhelpful) cycle. Typically those are negative automatic thoughts or core beliefs (often also unhelpful). They are familiar and while they bring some much discomfort, familiarity wins.

How do you shift that? By noticing calm, peaceful, regulated, authentic moments and parts of yourself. When you can spend intentional time slowing down that’s gold! Noticing the emotions that go with those experiences or thoughts, and how you feel them in your body, begins to create new thought patterns.

Very simply, those new thought patterns – and accompanying emotions and physical sensations – become a strength in times of challenge. And, the more you’re able to spend time really processing those, the more easily you will be able to reach for them when life is tough. In the context of counselling, those positive moments can be transformational. Life is full of ups and downs. Being in a healthy space when challenges do come along will help you navigate them with more ease.

Going back to the computer/phone battery for a moment, let’s notice what a healthy battery does: it keeps it charge longer. The more you can charge your (human) battery, the longer it will hold a charge. In human terms this means feeling emotionally regulated, responding rather than reacting, and feeling like your authentic self. It’s grounding and you can be more present. When you spend time noticing the positive, the good, the healthy with your counsellor, the more you’re charging that battery. It’s a bit of an odd analogy but it might be helpful to you.

I invite you to send me an email or book a consultation or session, if some of this resonates with you. You might be in an overwhelming season, or a healthier one. I love the analogy that we go to school not because we’re struggling but because we can continually learn and grow. Counselling is similar. You might simply want to learn more about yourself. I welcome that…and I welcome you!