What Can You Expect From Your First Counselling Session?

When you book your first counselling appointment, you might be doing it proactively or as a result of some difficult or even traumatic experiences. Knowing what you can expect from your first counselling session can help to relieve nerves a little. Expectations can create a sense of safety or stability…both of which are important to your well-being.

When we first meeting, I typically ask new clients how you feel as we begin our work and time together. Answers vary quite a bit but it’s common to feel anxious, excited or a combination of both. I always appreciate having a bit of an understanding, because I look forward to connecting with new clients and it’s helpful for me to begin to know how you are entering sessions.

One of the reasons you might feel anxious is your story might feel overwhelming or really heavy. You might not know where to start and the thought of even beginning feels daunting. This makes so much sense. You have lived through every moment of each part of your experience(s). At times, thinking about sharing your story might feel like a big ball of yarn, and you wonder where to start unravelling it. You might also worry that if you start to unravel it, it will spin out uncontrollably.

Feeling like you don’t have control might be a big part of your story.

It’s so important for you to feel like you have control – or agency – of your story, especially with your counsellor. Because of this, I like to share with clients that you won’t have to share your whole story at the first session. In fact, you can share as much or as little as you like. And, even more important is that I help you with how much you share. Part of you might want to get it all out because you’re sure it will feel better to at least have told someone you are (hopefully!) beginning to trust. I want you to know that this can, in and of itself, be very overwhelming and leave you feeling exhausted and even stressed.

What you can expect from your first counselling session is that I want to get to know a bit about you, and that includes your story. And, while the story you come into counselling with might feel like it defines who you are, I believe you are so much more than your story. So, I might be curious about who you are outside of some of your story. Meaning, your story is part of what has happened to you but it doesn’t define who you are.

Your story might be the lens through which you now experience yourself, your relationships and the world, but it does not have to define you.

In your first counselling session, I might ask some other questions to begin getting to know who you are in other ways. I might be curious about how you experience some of your emotions. This might mean spending a few moments slowing down to notice where you experience or process emotion in your body. You and I might notice how a particular thought or emotion influences your partnership or marriage. These are important parts about you.

I will probably ask about how you have been coping with your difficult (or traumatic) experiences. We might look at healthy and unhealthy coping skills. These are important to begin exploring together because some of how you cope helps you get through your days. Some coping skills build resilience and they help you overcome or tolerate so much discomfort. And, other coping skills might not be helping you to navigate through your experiences. If you are open to sharing about these, I would love to gain more insight into you, through understanding some of this.

Finally, in your first counselling session you might expect that I will ask about goals you have for counselling. The word goal might bring you back to your middle school or high school days. And I hesitate to use that word (goal) because of exactly that! Counselling is about healing. It’s about learning more about yourself, your strengths and where you’ve been wounded as well. But counselling is also an opportunity to set goals or hopes. If you know your goals already, that’s amazing – they can help set the direction for counselling. If you’re unsure of what your goals are, other than to begin sharing your story (which is a significant goal!), I think that’s a beautifully self-aware strength. Together, we can begin to navigate the direction your sessions and your healing journey can take.

You can expect that your first counselling session should not be overwhelming.

You have spent your entire life living with you! In the first session, I will have spent just 50 minutes beginning to learn about what makes you…you. And so with that, sometimes the first session might feel underwhelming because you don’t get to share everything. I would like to encourage you that together, we will starting working towards healing for you. It is a slow, safe, stretching practice.

Part of my job is to help expand the space in which you can tolerate some discomfort, while also balancing your feelings of safety. This can feel slow at the start…sometimes disheartening even, but I invite you to be curious about how it might be helpful for you. I also invite you to be curious about why you struggle with the slowness of it. Often in your pain, you might want to rush through sharing all the details of the hard parts. I want to encourage you that slowing down is where the beauty of your healing begins. I invite you to trust this part of the process with me.

Whether you’ve been in counselling before or this is your first time, I invite you to reach out and book a consultation or first session. Together, we can begin exploring how your past might be influencing your present. If you’d like to learn more about me before reaching out, I invite you to do so!