Am I Struggling with Social Anxiety?

You’ve always thought of yourself as an introvert: a person who recharges alone, in the quiet. It could be that you spend more time alone than many of your friends. It feels calm, quiet, reassuring. Yet, someone recently asked you whether you have social anxiety. You had never thought of it that way, but now you wonder. Is it more than just the enjoyment you get from being alone? Do you actually find it exhausting being around others…or is there something else to it?

You notice that you prefer not to attend social events. These can be large or small, with people you know or complete strangers. Yet, you like going to work and quite enjoy your co-workers. Family gatherings are okay. You don’t avoid them…most of the time, anyway!

 As with most experiences or struggles, social anxiety is not black and white. You might struggle with it to some degree, and that doesn’t mean you always will. You might also notice that you struggle with it in specific settings only. For example, you might notice feelings of social anxiety when you’re needing to present in front of a group of people (whether it’s two or two hundred). But you don’t experience those feelings when you’re mingling with a group. Social anxiety is a persistent fear of being judged by others…but each person experiences it to varying degrees and in different ways.

Is your anxiety trying to tell you something?

Do those anxious feelings need tending to? Would it be helpful to experience some compassion or validation?

Some research suggests that a traumatic upbringing or some negative early life experiences (such as bullying) can lead to a lowered sense of self-confidence or self-worth. These could be correlated (or lead) to some feelings of anxiety, in particular in the context of any social experience. These are real, true and very valid feelings.  When you’re noticing this, rather than criticize yourself, you might want to be curious. Is your anxiety or worry trying to tell you something? Do those anxious feelings need tending to? Would it be helpful to experience some compassion or validation? Anxiety can leave you feeling alone – that’s often the hardest part.

You might notice your heart racing, your hands shaking, your breath quickening.

Social anxiety can also leave you feeling quite physically ill. One resource is suggest to clients is the Headspace app. It can help you with some mindful practices, which bring you into the present and help ground you – this is ever so calming! Did you know, anxiety lives in the past and in the future…so when you can spend time focused on and in the present, your anxiety will begin to calm and you can begin to feel some control.

Can we pause for a moment? I wonder if you might typically try to shrug it off and tell yourself to “get over it”? These aren’t ridiculous emotions. However, they are deeply uncomfortable, and they are very real. You aren’t alone in them, either. Social anxiety affects about 8% of the Canadian population (over 15yrs).

You might notice that at times, you engage in coping skills to minimize how you’re feeling. Another way to cope might simply be to avoid these feelings. You might go for a run or scroll social media. You might drink or you might find smoking pot helps numb them. And that makes so much sense. Of course you want to alleviate how you’re feeling. It’s awful!

I invite you to reach out so that together, we can reduce some of the aloneness you might be feeling. Together we can connect to validate what has happened to you and how you can navigate from here. We can reduce some of the criticism you may be experiencing (in particular from yourself) in an effort to improve your self-confidence. Together we can be curious about what your body needs, as it’s struggling to overcome these uncomfortable feelings.